Parenting a Stubborn Child is Not Impossible

A child whose behaviour pushes you away is a child who needs a connection before anything else.
-Kelly Bartlett.

Most parents put it this way, “Toddlers and stubbornness go together like peanut butter and jelly.” But we say It can happen at any age. Let’s begin with the very fact that we all are born with temperament, though dealing with it is a task. Children too can have a temperament, but how you as a parent handle your stubborn kid is going to make all the difference.

Parenting a stubborn child is not that easy, but isn’t impossible too.

Here are 6 magical ways of parenting a stubborn child:

1. Practice What You Preach:

Kids learn best by observing their parent’s behaviour and finally imitating them. So, if we want our kids to listen and be obedient, we need to learn to walk the same path and practice what we preach. For example, If we want our kids to be kind, they need to see us being kind to others with no hidden agenda.
Key Takeaway: If we want them to stop yelling, we must watch our tone first.

2. Avoid Arguments:

Even when we do everything optimal for change, sometimes kids simply don’t want to do what is being asked of them. In such a scenario, it is best to avoid arguments for the time being. So, how does this happen? It’s simple. State assertively and clearly what type of behaviour is expected of them.
Key Takeaway: It would be ideal to mention the importance of respect and how their compliance is necessary for their safety and well being. On the other hand, you can also let them know the consequences that will occur if they continue their poor behaviour.

3. Choose Discipline over Punishment:

We are well aware of how to deal with a stubborn child is tough, but it can be easy if you make the environment conducive to changing their behaviour. Begin with building and maintaining a sweet relationship between you and them. Kids seldom do jobs/tasks just to please us. Yes! We know it’s sweet and cute of them. The often we yell and punish them, the more often we tend to undermine their desire to please us.
Key Takeaway: If they are upset, we should help them express their hurt, fear, or disappointment, so they evaporate rather than yell at them in irritation. Only then will they be ready to listen to us. Building this nurturing environment is critical.

4. Understanding Their Perspective:

To better understand a stubborn child’s behavior, we must try to look at the situation from their juvenile eyes. We need to put ourselves in their shoes and try to imagine what they must be going through to behave in the manner they are behaving. The more we know our children, the better we can deal with their stubborn streak.
Key Takeaway: All they need is love and empathy. So, we must empathize with them even while not giving in to their demands. On understanding their disappointment, anger, or frustration, we must support them while being assertive instead of ignoring it.
For example, if a child is not willing to do his homework, he is overwhelmed by the task. If there is too much to do, you can help him by breaking the homework into small tasks that can be completed in a short period. Not the hard work; sometimes, a little bit of smart work can do wonders too.

5. Avoid Physically Pushing Back:

Force always creates distance to widen between each other. If we start wearing the super strict parent hat, we can easily push our children into defying us, just to prove a point. We will know when it’s a power struggle, and we’re invested in winning.
Key Takeaway: We need to stop, take a breath, and remind ourselves that winning a battle with our stubborn children always sets us up to lose what’s most important—the relationship. When in doubt, we should say— “Ok, you can decide this for yourself.” If he can’t, then it’s our duty to ask him which part of it he can decide or find another way to meet his need for autonomy without compromising his health or safety.

6. Give Them Multiple Choices:

Commanding a stubborn child to do something is surly going to ignite their rebellious attitude. Instead, we can offer them options to choose from, as this will make them feel as if they have control over their lives. This will help them independently decide what they would like to do.
Key Takeaway: Keep in mind to Keep the choices limited to avoid their confusion is the best thing we can do. For instance, if they are to clean up their room, we can ask them if they would like to start with the dirty floor or their wardrobe first.

Final Food for thought:

As parents, our job in any heated moment is to treat our little ones as an individual. We need to remember that we are constantly impacting their developing personality, but ultimately, we don’t have control over it. Our job is not to force them to eat their vegetables or share their toys. It’s to raise and teach a kid the skills to be useful to themselves and others.